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shit happens

2012-01-29T18:11:00.000+08:00

It's not like I hate her or anything but I just don't want to see or even try imagining history repeating itself. Despite all the shit that happened, I've unknowingly put everything behind my back and had forgiven her. Call me naive or even stupid for forgiving someone who has the guts to back-stab someone thrice but after all, everyone is different and no one is perfect. So what now? You thought of the past while just having broken up with your girlfriend? (Did they even break? How the fuck should I know) Are you fucking serious? Even if she's attached now, who knows how long it'll last? You say "your love doesn't last very long" but excuse me my friend, do you even call it love? It's so pathetic that it's laughable. I would really love to slap you in the fucking face right now. Who do you think you are? Running around leaving scares and tearing love apart? (Sorry, just had to) I mean, you like this girl for a day and then the next day you tell me you're head over heels with another? I am definitely not judging you, I'm just stating the facts. I wouldn't want to see both of my friends getting hurt again nor do I want to listen to all the shit that happens. I hate how you think you can get any girl and after the feeling of lust is gone, you can just simply throw her aside. So, your girlfriend, she's annoying? That means she cares. I may seem like I hate your girlfriend but the truth is, I know you guys woudln't last long and the reason for that is you. I told you to take things slowly but you didn't listen and got yourself into a mess. Who was there to listen to all your rants? I had a feeling you'll eventually end up hurting her. She's a nice girl but she deserves better. Argh, why should I care? It's your life and since you wouldn't do a shit or attempt to change yourself, it's better if I wash my hands off you.

I AM JUST SIMPLY SICK AND TIRED OF SEEING THE PEOPLE AROUND ME GETTING HURT AND LEAVING ME FEELING AWKWARD AND GUILTY AS I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW TO RELIEVE THEIR PAIN NOR SHARE THEIR BURDENS.

nonsense

2012-01-25T17:32:00.001+08:00

I can feel the pressure building up. Well, not really but it just seems as though time is not on my side. I never seem to have sufficient time to do the things I need and want to do. I really wish I could control time and with that I'll have the best of both worlds. Being able to study and have fun. Wouldn't life be perfect if we all had such powers? Anyways, my main purpose of blogging today is just to let what's been bottled up inside, out. I've been feeling restless and uninspired. Gosh, nothing seems to be going my way but that's alright. Things will eventually get better but sadly, I'm running out of patience. I suppose my only remedy would be to have an unlimited supply of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. It's the 4th week of school and I better start getting armed for my battle that's happening during September. It's a fight that's gonna be my victorious. I'll survive all the shit life gives me.

a guilty conscience needs no accuser

2012-01-21T23:39:00.005+08:00

How much more time does he has on this world before he departs to another? Is there anything that I can do that will make his stay on Earth much longer? There are so many unanswered questions going through my mind right now.. If I could, I wish to be able to rewind time. I would make sure the accident that happened 2 years back never existed. I did not know how much he has suffered from the accident. He didn't tell a soul about the after-effects he has due to the accident. I didn't know he has a phobia of taking cabs, insomnia, a sudden memory lost, a short attention span and lastly, a low self-esteem due to the scars all caused by the accident. I really fail as a daughter for not knowing such stuffs. If I did not read the letter sent by the lawyer, I wouldn't had known how much he had suffered silently by himself yet, he still looks so strong and care-free living his daily life. Why did I not notice all of this? But even if I did, what much help could I be of? He must detest having me as his daughter as I'm not someone he can boast to his friends about or someone who could make all his suffering disappear. It hurts my heart so badly to hear him coughing in his room right now. I really admire him so much for being so strong and despite all that he is going through, he still has time to worry about me. I know I'm being a coward for not saying all this stuff infront of him but, I really am thankful for having him in my life. He would always encourage and motivate me to do better. I am guilty for not being able to repay him for all that he has done nor to be able to be a filial daughter. I'll change and show my appreciation towards him. I know it's a little too late to repent but it's better late than never. I'll do my best in my studies and make him proud of me. No wait, I'll do whatever it takes to make him proud of having me as his daughter. I may never have the courage to ever say this straight to his face, but from the bottom of my heart, I am truly and gratefully thankful for having him as my father and that I love him.